Why I Believe the Dayemi Tariqat is a Harmful Cult

Most people who have only encountered the friendly facade of the Dayemi Tariqat (DT) have a hard time believing the accusations that the group is a cult. This happens with many cultic organizations as their leaders are usually very good at presenting a positive appearance to the wider public, while showing their true face only to the inner circle of devotees.

I was part of that inner circle for way too long. 

My name is Roland and I was a member of the DT satellite community in Germany for about 20 years. During these two decades, “Murshid” visited the German community one or two times a year, often spending weeks or even months in the house that my family and I lived in and also helped maintain. I also spent 1-2 months each year in Carbondale and I traveled with Murshid extensively over the years. 

In short, before my exit from the group in September, 2021, I had seen and experienced enough, both in front and behind the scenes of the DT, that I can confidently state that, in my opinion, this group is a harmful cult. 

I will tell the story of how I finally realized this painful truth at some other time. For now, I think it is more helpful to understand what actually makes a cult and why, in my experience, the DT fits the bill. 

When someone leaves a cult, they often go through a period where they try to understand what happened to them. I did too and read countless books, watched documentaries and scoured the Internet for information about cults and their undue influence. One of the most eye opening documents I encountered during my “wake up” process is the following list of warning signs that describe the characteristics of a cult. This list was compiled over decades by several cult experts, studying hundreds of cults of every kind (not just religious ones, but also political, self-improvement or family cults). The DT, in my opinion, ticks every box.

Below, you’ll find that list with my personal observations from 20 years in the group. I have tried to describe how I think these warning signs manifest themselves in the DT. I am writing this in the hopes that it might help you avoid the group, or any group that shows these signs. If you can identify many or most of them in a group you belong to or are interested in joining, please tread very carefully.

• The group’s devotion is focused on a single leader.

In the DT, this is “Murshid”, aka Sheikh Din, born Dean Greenberg. He is the single leader of the Dayemi Tariqat in the West. He is in full control of the whole group and all of its members. He alone determines what is right and wrong – what is good for his devotees and what is bad ­– regardless of what they might think. He dictates what the group does, who does it and how it’s done. 

As a student, you make a commitment to tell him everything about your life, obey his every command and fulfill any of his wishes. You do this whether you like it or not, because you have promised to do so.  

If you don’t want to do something you’re told to do, that’s simply a sign of your “stubbornness” or the “resistance of your ego”. And sooner or later you must submit your ego to Murshid if you ever want to gain “enlightenment” or to know God.

• The members consider the leader to be perfect.

This is how the members see Murshid – as perfect. And this is how he sees himself. 

The members believe that he is the model for the perfect human being. Everything he says or does is flawless. And the way he does something is the way it must be done. This applies to everything – not just the spiritual stuff. He is the expert on how to play the guitar, how to paint a wall, how to write an article, drive a car, take a photo, cook a meal, use the toilet. You name it, he does it. Best! 

Unlike his followers. They are also required to be perfect in everything they do, but of course they aren’t – ever! He called us weak, lazy, stupid, incompetent and any other negative adjective you can imagine, even as we pushed ourselves and each other to the limit. Which we did. All the time.  

None of the members would ever publicly doubt anything Murshid says or does. Even if it feels or is demonstrably wrong, followers will not dare speak up. Instead, we would call the wild and contradictory things he did or said, or any obvious mistakes he made “crazy wisdom” which was something we mere mortals simply hadn’t understood yet. Any internal doubts we might have had as students we quickly learned to simply ignore.

If you should have the audacity to speak up, you will either be ignored, mocked (sometimes for years) or get verbally abused by Murshid – preferably in front of the whole group.

• The leader doesn’t have to answer to any (worldly) authority.

Murshid doesn’t have to answer to anybody. There is no accountability and he has no supervisor. Even though he pays lip service to being obedient to God or his own (long deceased) spiritual master, he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, to whomever he wants. And he doesn’t appear to feel obliged to follow any rules, neither spiritual (including his own) nor worldly ones.

• The leader claims to have a special mission in life – often messianic or apocalyptic.

I often heard Murshid comparing himself to prophets, even imply that he is like Jesus and his followers are his apostles. He sometimes asked us: “What do you think it would look like if Jesus would return?” That is, wouldn’t it be like this, a small band of followers? Because the world is too blind to see when the true prophet appears. 

He is also convinced that he is preaching and living the one true version of Islam, in a way that nobody else on earth does, because he is the only one who really, truly, understands it. 

He believes that the DT community is a perfect model for the rest of the world to follow if humanity wants to survive the turbulent times we live in. And if the proverbial shit actually should hit the global fan, the DT community model will rebuild civilization. Seriously. 

For years, the group has been working on a curriculum about community-building that they believe will be used as an instruction manual for others all over the planet. 

Even though there is rarely ever explicit talk about the apocalypse, in his many sermons, Murshid often does talk about the dire state of the world, painting a vivid picture of the potential troubles up ahead that may not necessarily be biblically (or better Quranically) apocalyptic but do come scarily close. 

And of course he always makes sure to bring home the point that being his follower is your best chance to weather these troubles.  

• The members of the group worship the leader

This is what all the members are obliged to do. Murshid says that God is over him – that he has submitted himself completely to God – and that prayers, for example, are addressed to God. But Murshid also tells his followers that God is way too abstract and incomprehensible for them. In order for their feeble minds to understand God, they must look to Murshid as God’s proxy, as an example of the almighty in human form. And they must treat him accordingly.

So, whenever Murshid enters a room, everybody stops talking, gets up and faces him in reverence. Whenever he is present the followers only sit when he sits, eat when he eats, only talk when asked to. They only leave the room when he leaves. Followers kiss the ring on his hand and bow down to his feet. When they meditate, devotees ideate on Murshid’s face as a kind of visual mantra. In everyday life they strive to see his face in others (presumably to treat others like they treat him). Whenever anyone is in doubt about something, they ask themselves, “What would Murshid do?” 

Every word he says is recorded for posterity. Hundreds of his talks have been published, and audio files are available for followers to buy. In contrast to other cult leaders however, Murshid is savvy enough to make sure any recording devices are turned off before he starts to spout the real controversial opinions or has one of his angry fits.

• The leader is the only one who can help you solve your problems

As Murshid is basically perfect and all-knowing, he will be able to solve all your problems. In fact, he will also solve all your problems you didn’t know you had. And because you are expected to go to him if you have any problem, he will tell you what to do to solve it, even if he is not qualified to do so, most notably concerning medical or financial issues. 

• The group is hierarchical and authoritarian

Murshid is a firm believer in hierarchy and authority. To him there are people who are better than others and therefore uniquely suited to lead people. Obviously he thinks of himself as one – if not the best – of them. He often stated that he knows people better than they know themselves. 

It’s no surprise then, that the group’s structure is both hierarchical and authoritarian. Murshid is the be all and end all of everything in the DT. He is the de facto dictator of the group. His will is every follower’s command. 

He has named two women to take over when he dies. – these two women are also his wives. They will unquestionably do whatever he tells them to do. 

Then there are the managers for the different projects, like the Longbranch Café, the farm, the Town Square Market, various properties, etc. They do have a certain latitude in how they run their areas, but don’t mistake this for any form of democracy. The managers have to write a weekly report that is discussed every week with all the other managers in a three-hour meeting that Murshid facilitates. Here, in a slight variation of the so-called hot seat technique (more on that later), Murshid takes every opportunity to dress down anyone who, in his eyes, makes a mistake on their job or did something wrong. 

I have personally witnessed many occasions where a manager’s slightest wrongdoings was inflated and the accused was intensely scolded in front of the whole group. As with any attack by Murshid on one of his students, the only way to stop the assault, is for the victim to admit his or her mistake (regardless if they believed they even made any), swear to do better in the future and finally thank Murshid for the blessing of being “corrected”.

• The group requires their members to follow countless rituals and rules that take up most of their time.

One of Murshid’s favorite sayings is “You can sleep when you’re dead.” Thus, members of the Dayemi Tariqat are obliged to begin every day with a roughly two hour long morning program, starting just before sunrise including prayer, chanting and meditation. Throughout the rest of the day they perform the five daily prayers of Islam. In addition, every day of the week has other compulsory activities like group meditation, “check-in” (where each and every one is required to open up about their current life issues in front of Murshid and everyone else to get his “input”.), “Satsang” (where everyone, including young kids, are obliged to listen to Murshid’s long sermons), the regular meetings of the men’s and women’s groups, or the Islamic Friday prayer (Jummah). 

And this is just for starters. Every member must also help out on the farm for several days a month and perform all kinds of other unpaid “selfless service” in the various (and many times for-profit) projects like the Longbranch Café or the Town Square Market. As service is considered part of the spiritual practice it is of course non-negotiable – unless you want to be shamed for “holding back.” 

Then there are special events like four-day-long “spiritual intensives” or “camp outs” on the farm, annual organizational meetings, men’s and women’s retreats, and, perhaps most important, Murshid’s birthday bash. All of these events require weeks or months of unpaid preparation by the devotees. During the month of Ramadan, the “community” meets almost every evening to break the fast and hear more of Murshid’s sermons. During the day during Ramadan community members also cook, read the Qu`ran and prepare for the Eid celebrations, marking the end of the fasting months. They do all of this while working our regular jobs as well. 

I haven’t even mentioned the fundraising activities for the orphanages in Bangladesh. Events like the Art Auction or the 5K Run are immense operations taking basically the whole year to organize by largely unpaid volunteers. All of the followers are expected to help with these events and also contribute with their private funds to their success.  

All of the above takes up almost all of the members’ time and mental space and makes it almost impossible to have any kind of life outside the cult, neither in private nor in their professional lives. 

Listing all the rules a member of the DT has to follow would make this article almost as exhausting as actually living in the group. Rest assured, everything a person says or does is regulated in minute detail – how to eat, sleep, dress, sit, talk, have sex and breathe. And most significantly how to think and feel.

• The leadership dictates sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel (for example: members must get permission from leaders to date, change jobs, get married; leaders may prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, how to discipline children, and so forth).

Once you are a full blown devotee, you have promised to ask Murshid for permission on anything listed above and more. Basically every major life decision must be approved by Murshid and you are expected to follow his direction because remember, he knows you better than you know yourself.  

Followers see him as all-knowing and all-wise, so they also believe that his judgment is always correct, even if they don’t like it. In order to avoid having to do something they don’t like, sometimes people would simply not ask him for advice, but with everyone in the group effectively functioning as a spy, Murshid will learn about this from someone else, then he will guilt and shame you for not coming to him. 

In between the countless daily and weekly activities that are designed to indoctrinate the students into Murshid’s teachings, followers are also strongly encouraged to study his words in their (very limited) spare time as well. 

Almost all of his sayings are either recorded or written down and are available for further study (for a small fee of course) so that students are able to listen to Murshid’s talks in their cars, read a transcript before bedtime or discuss them with other members over a cup of coffee in the Longbranch Café. To study his words and the path is considered a most important endeavor. Of course you can do something else in your spare time, but in the eyes of Murshid this is simply a waste of time. And he will make you feel guilty about this any chance he gets.  

“Don’t be negative!” and “Be present!” are two of the most repeated mantras in the group. And while both of them do have some merit, in the group they are used as what cult experts call “thought stopping techniques”. These cliched terms serve to quash any critical thought one might have towards Murshid or his teachings. 

In addition these phrases also function as “emotion stopping techniques”. In the DT, “negative” emotions, like fear or anger, are seen as signs of “ego-resistance”. This reframing of our own self-protecting emotions is an insidious but effective dismantling of our boundary-protecting function. Without it our boundaries can be violated and get transgressed by Murshid. The only person who is allowed to be angry in the group is Murshid. And he gets angry a lot!

All of the above fully applies to any devotee living in Carbondale. The situation here in Germany was a bit different. Everything mentioned above was only in effect when Murshid was physically present. The minute he was gone, people had a chance to go back to their own lives. And they did, but always with a deep feeling of guilt and shame. People believed that they were too weak and their egos too strong to follow Murshid’s instructions to the letter. They believed that they were basically helpless without Murshid being physically present. They often felt hopeless or defeated because of their purported weaknesses and feared they would never be able to “know God” or become “enlightened” unless they would somehow overcome their “self-centeredness.”

• Mind-altering practices (such as meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, denunciation sessions, or debilitating work routines) are used in excess and serve to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s).

Aside from speaking in tongues, all the techniques mentioned above are used in the DT. Some of them, like meditation or chanting, are openly labeled as mind-altering, as the devotees hope to alter, or better quiet their minds, in order to realize God. The others, like getting dressed down in front of everyone by Murshid (this is a denunciation session) or working too much too long, are of course not.

It is not in the scope of this article to explain how exactly these techniques work to weaken the students defenses. Suffice it to say that they can certainly interfere with your critical thinking and make you susceptible to undue influence, especially if they are compounded by a lack of sleep and/or food as well as all the other points on this list.

• Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.

This one presents itself in a very insidious form in the DT. 

Murshid often prides himself that he is open to discussions and that he doesn’t want people to just have blind faith. He says that he wants his students to educate themselves regarding the reasons for anything the teachings prescribe. At many gatherings there are “discussions” going on. He encourages questions, reminding devotees to inquire about any topic. New followers are especially encouraged to “inquire” and “engage”.

However, Murshid is always in full control of these discussions. If the topic goes in a direction he doesn’t like, he will either make a joke, tell the person asking he or she won’t understand his answer yet (or maybe never), or simply stop the discussion outright. He will even mock the person who gathered all their courage to ask a question. Like any cult leader, Murshid is also a master of word salad, talking endlessly until you are somehow convinced he gave a satisfying answer – even though he probably didn’t. 

Should any student dare to challenge Murshid on anything, he or she will quickly discover his angry side. Murshid will make fun of him, call her stupid, yell at him or simply get up and walk out of the room, leaving everyone horrified that someone would be so disrespectful to Murshid that he would terminate the whole gathering because of it.  

This behavior not only teaches the person that challenged Murshid to never ever do that again, but also anybody else in the room to think twice before they would ask the wrong question – and if in doubt, better stay silent. 

Being in the group for 20 years I was present for many of Murshid’s blowups. I also realized that he had more of them in the early days of the group, when he still had to establish his rank to the then rookie members. After we had all learned when to shut up and to never talk back, Murshid didn’t have to go berserk quite as often, though he still did on occasion, if just to make sure none of us would ever really feel safe around him.      

• Breaking a rule leads to punishment by the leader.

Everybody in the group breaks its rules frequently. We are human and the day is just not long enough to do everything you are supposed to do and the rules are simply too many, to even remember them all. Therefore a devotee is set up to fail by the system. This means that, as a devotee, you feel guilty and ashamed all the time, as you are very well aware that you are not performing as you should. And you know that Murshid knows. He can basically call you out any time he wants, creating a constant tension or even sense of fear in his devotees. No one wants to be on the receiving end of one of Murshid’s admonitions, but there is no way to avoid them either. Incidentally Murshid is not required to adhere to any of these rules.

Always failing is also a perfect setup for Murshid to maintain control. Because we always expected to be punished, Murshid’s random praise had an enormous impact. It gave us a rush and the hope that he was really loving us. A hope that was certain to be thwarted again soon. This is actually a technique called Trauma Bonding, that narcissistic and domestic abusers use as well.

When you first enter the community Murshid is more likely to play the gracious or the strict (but “loving”) “teacher”. He might tell you that you don’t have to attend everything,  just to scold and shame you in front of everyone the next day, because you have missed a prayer, didn’t attend Satsang or, if you are a woman, you wore your skirt too short.

Punishment can be meted out in many ways. The aforementioned shaming and scolding in front of the group is one of Murshid’s favorite methods. These public shamings can go on for hours, and it can feel like a tribunal, especially if you are accused of something that you didn’t even do. This is also a favorite method by narcissistic abusers to control their victims, sometimes called The Hot Seat and the only way out of that hot seat is to admit your “guilt”, to ask for forgiveness and profusely thank Murshid for his psychological assault. (That he callously calls “feedback”.)

Another method of punishment is the silent treatment. Murshid will simply pretend you don’t exist, sometimes for weeks or months at a time. He might even kick you out of the group, prohibiting any contact with him or other devotees. For a devotee, this is the worst kind of torture in and of itself. But it can even be more brutal, if you don’t even know why you were punished in the first place. You feel devastated, shunned and on top of it all you are wracking your brain: what did I do wrong? And how can I make it good again?

This traumatic manipulation is another one of the many methods narcissistic abusers use to intimidate their victims and that were all commonplace in the DT.  

• The real teachings of the group and the true face of the leader are only shown to an inner circle of devotees while the group presents a friendly face to the larger community. 

This is one of the main reasons why people who have only casual encounters with the DT have such a hard time believing it is a destructive cult. Like any other cultic group the DT is very good at presenting a charitable, positive, inclusive, loving, fun hip, cool and diverse image to the outside world. Of course they do. Who in their right mind would join a group that sooner or later takes up all your time and money, where the leader, shames, blames and guilt trips you, spanks your children or even grooms you into a sexual relationship with him? 

See my point? 

This whole article is an attempt to shine a light on the inner workings of the DT, so that people who are intrigued by the group at least have a chance to make an informed decision about their continued relationship with the DT and its leader. 

• The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which causes conflict with the wider society.

Murshid is well aware that since the cult heydays of the 1970s and 80s, people have been very suspicious of fringe spiritual groups. That’s why, from the get go, he was adamant to cultivate an open, friendly and inclusive image to the wider community. He also pays lip service to the equality of all religions, that the mystical core in each of them is the same. In the past he has also appeared together with representatives of other religions or spiritual groups, even giving talks in churches or synagogues. He has tried to build bridges with other Muslim leaders as well. 

Because of the polished image Murshid was able to present to the wider community the group has avoided conflict with wider society. Quite the opposite. The decades of lobbying work Murshid did in Carbondale was certainly a major factor in killing the multipart article, exposing the DT as a cult that was completed and set to run in the Southern Illinoisan in the summer 2022 shortly before publication.  

But this polished image is just a facade. Behind the scenes, I’ve heard him many times, unabashedly spouting the conviction that his teachings are superior to any other teachings in the world. He has stated numerous times that in all his travels he has never seen any “better” community than the DT. He regularly mocks and belittles other spiritual leaders and groups behind their backs. He may even meet with them and share some friendly time together, just to deride them the minute they’ve left the room. This has led to the fact that Murshid has not successfully collaborated with any other group leader. He is incapable of sharing power and/or listening to other points of view. 

Non-spiritual people or atheists are seen as inferior anyway.

• Members’ subservience to the group causes them to cut ties with family and friends, and to give up personal goals and activities that were of interest before joining the group.

Murshid teaches that in order to achieve anything you should only seek the company of people who are after the same goal. As every devotee’s goal is coming closer to God, that of course means getting as close to Murshid as possible (remember: He essentially is a proxy of God!). That closeness requires all the practices and duties mentioned above (see #8) and the extensive study of the teachings in your spare time. There is no half-way.  

Doing anything not DT related is seen as a waste of time or is disparaged as “play time”. This, of course includes hanging out with non-DT members. Any student who is serious on his spiritual path, will spend less and less time with anybody or any activity not related to the group. 

As long as your family doesn’t voice any concern against the group (because they have seen only the friendly facade), you’ll be fine and can still be in contact with them. However, should they start criticizing Murshid they, like anybody else taking issues with him or the group, will be labeled as a bad influence or even as an enemy that should be avoided at all costs.   

Many people either join the group after coming to Carbondale as SIU students and are already far away from their family and former friends, or actively move to Carbondale from all over the world to be close to Murshid. That way, for many, the old ties have already been automatically cut by a large degree, neatly solving the problem of trusted people voicing concerns about the group.

• Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.

Murshid tells you to only spend time with people who share your goal. It’s logical that any eager student will thus follow this advice and will gradually cut ties with any non-members. (Although most devotees won’t have much time to meet people outside the group anyway. See #8.)

This of course filters out any dissenting voices in the devotees` lives, ensuring the unhindered indoctrination of the cult’s ideology. 

Even though some followers live in private homes, the group owns several shared housing properties that (especially new) students are encouraged to move into. Living with devoted long-term members further reduces a newcomer’s contact with non-members and reinforces their indoctrination.   

• The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members

The group prides itself of not actively proselytizing. This is true – in the sense that nobody goes door to door like, for example, Jehovah’s Witnesses.

However, in the early days, Murshid repeatedly told us that we should savor the intimate time we had to be close to him, as soon hundreds and thousands of people would be coming to see him and at that point we would only see him from afar. This however never came to pass. Of course, the fact that the community didn’t grow was blamed solely on the students. Certainly they weren’t refined enough; they didn’t exude “the sweet smell that would attract the bees to the flower”. If they had only been more devoted, the multitudes would have come. Here in Germany we were always asked to bring friends to “meet” Murshid when he came to visit.

I personally suspect that Murshid at some point realized that his schtick was not compatible with the masses after all. At that point he decided to construct a new narrative where he stated ad nauseam that he only wants “to work with the people who want to do the work” – meaning his most loyal and obedient devotees. In this way he was able to rid the group of any half-hearted followers that may start to question the practices or push back in any other way. Henceforth he would be permanently surrounded by people who would say yes to any of his whims.

This is the very foundation of extremism.

• The group is preoccupied with making money

A big part of the DT’s mission is to collect money for several orphanages located in Bangladesh. These orphanages do exist. I have personally been there and even though I’m highly critical of the group, I do not doubt that a good part of the donations really end up helping the kids over there. 

However, the fundraising activities are not only a perfect showcase for how charitable the group is. These public efforts also serve to deflect any criticism of the group and inside the group, this “charitable work” even becomes a protective shield for Murshid, as any accusations against him or the group would automatically endanger the cash flow to Bangladesh. And who wants to be responsible for leaving orphans high and dry? 

Outside of the fundraising for Bangladesh, money also plays a big role in the DT in that the narrative in the group is that money is always tight that the members are always pushed to give more. 

Everyone who starts to show up regularly to community events is asked for money, at first only a bit here and there. After a while they are asked for a regular monthly donation and all kinds of additional donations. There are annual phone calls to all the devotees to “assess” their financial situation in order to either increase and, yes, sometimes also reduce their donations. 

This sounds almost reasonable, if one forgets all the other points on this list that coerce devotees into doing all of Murshid’s biddings. 

So are they really free to give only what they want or have they at that point been manipulated to also devote most of their finances to the group?

The fact is that Murshid lives a very comfortable lifestyle. His three wives each live in separate houses which he frequents as he likes. His main home is a huge house on the farm that was built for him by his devotees. He also gets everything he wants: Expensive cars, high-end stereo equipment, a huge vinyl and musical instrument collection, a variety of cutting-edge photo equipment. As he claims not to draw any income at all, one has to assume these are all “gifts”. 

At the same time, a few DT followers are paid low wages for their work for the group, while most others are working for free on many projects (see #8), sometimes barely scraping by on the money they earn from employment outside the DT. Because of the time demands of the group it is often difficult to keep a job at all. 

What makes the financial situation in the DT additionally complicated is the fact that in the early 2000s Murshid’s family came into an undisclosed (but at least seven figure) sum of money after a court settlement concerning a tragic accident. 

Some of that money went into the acquisition of property in Carbondale and, I think, some of it was also sent to Bangladesh. However, considering the size of the sum, it begs the question of why devotees are overworked and pressured to collect money for Bangladesh, while at the same time, there is enough money in the bank that would have covered the orphanages financial requirements.    

During my time in the group, Murshid often made a big show about the fact that the DT’s finances were accessible for everyone to see. (The numbers were even published in the DT magazine Divine Remembranceuntil it ceased publication a few years ago). When I was a devotee, I never doubted the veracity of these financial statements. Having learned of Murshid’s many transgressions in other areas by now, I’m not so sure about that anymore.    

• The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s), and members (for example: the leader is considered the Messiah or an avatar; the group and/or the leader has a special mission to save humanity).

I think I have touched upon this already. But yes, in the eyes of his devotees Murshid is considered a perfect human being, the closest thing to God one can become as a living human being. The group and its ideology are considered the best and most true, and its special mission is to teach the true Islam (that only Murshid knows about) and provide a model for humanity to live by.   

• The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify means that members would have considered unethical before joining the group (for example: collecting money for bogus charities).

This one is tricky, especially as we are starting to walk into a legal minefield with this point. Let me just say that I am aware of many activities of the group over the years that I would consider illegal or at least immoral.

There are many stories that have not yet been told, because they are not mine to tell. Just know they are all bad.

• The leadership induces guilt feelings in members in order to control them.

This happens in many ways. 

As the DT is a religious cult, it employs religious ideologies to make you feel guilty about your body, your sexuality, your likes and dislikes – about anything you do, think and feel that is not approved by the cult.

Not being able to fulfill the countless requirements of the group is another source of guilt and shame. 

One of Murshid’s favorite teachings is that his followers must strive for perfection. He is fond of saying “I am here, holding up the 10 card!” By this, Murshid means that he is always holding his followers to the highest possible standards with anything they do, without compromise. He always reminds them, what is required of all of them at all times. 

This obviously contradicts any idea that we are free to choose our activity in the group. Yes, you don’t have to attend Satsang every week, but if you should miss it, chances are that Murshid will confront you about it next time you show up. He might dress you down in front of everyone, mocking your reasons for missing Satsang and making you feel like a terrible person. 

And he will do this with any other flaw he can find in you. He will criticize how you sing, how you pray, how you cook, how you tend your garden, how you wear your hair, how you raise your children, how you eat and sleep and even how you drive your car. All of this continuously instills one simple yet devastating message in you: You can never be good enough! 

Well actually it’s two messages. The other one being he is always right and you are always wrong. 

Incidentally shaming, blaming and guilt tripping is one of the favorite tools of a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder to control their victims. 

• There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil.

I estimate that in the 28 years since the DT has existed in the west, about 200-300 people have made a serious and sincere effort to join the group. They may have accepted Murshid as their “guru” and have practiced his teachings longer than a few weeks or months. I’m sure that Murshid would claim a significantly higher number than this. These days, I suspect there are less than 50 people left. This suggests that about 200 people have left or otherwise turned their backs on the group. 

I have known many of them and as far as I can tell, almost none (if any) of these people left the group on good terms and with a good feeling (let alone “enlightened”). On the contrary, most of them were disillusioned at best and traumatized at worst by their time in the DT.

No one that I am aware of was given a friendly farewell, if only because breaking the vow to remain a lifelong follower of the “guru” basically meant the complete failure of a disciple. Sometimes, a farewell appeared friendly, but then the person who moved on was spoken about negatively among those who remained.  

If there was even the slightest suspicion that someone was thinking about leaving the group, Murshid and his closest confidants would launch a concerted effort to keep that person in the group. In hours-long conversations, the potential apostate was reminded that he had made an oath, that she would only repeat the same patterns elsewhere anyway and that there was no better way to approach God than Murshid’s. They were told that Murshid and the group had done “so much” for them, that without the “guru”, their life would be sad and without meaning and joy.

If all of that didn’t work, Murshid would threaten many of them. They would “die a painful death” or “get cancer” if they left him. And then there was always hell, which, according to the scripture, awaited anyone who turned away from the teachings anyway.  

In order to spare themselves this psychological terror, many left the group without any warning. They often struggled secretly with their doubts for years and then sometimes literally disappeared overnight taking only the bare necessities with them. And in most cases, they never spoke to anybody left in the group ever again.

The people who left were only spoken of with pity or disparagement afterwards. They were “too weak”, “succumbed to their ego”, “went crazy” or “blew out”. They were used as examples when Murshid talked about how important it was to stick with him and his teachings, how easy it was to be tempted, to give in to your “ego” and your doubts. Mostly, however, the leavers were simply ignored, and those who remained were discouraged from caring about them. They were “out of sight and out of mind.”

Almost all the dropouts I personally know of are struggling with the trauma they experienced from Murshid and the group, but are otherwise enjoying their lives to the fullest. And as far as I know, none of them has died of cancer.  

Rarely will someone still in the group try to contact a dropout in any way or otherwise try to find out what happened and why he or she left.

Hundreds of people came and went over the years. Some only stayed for a few months, but some stayed for many years or even decades. They were, to the best of their abilities, devoted to Murshid for a long time. They did their best to give up everything for him, sacrificing their entire lives to him. But somehow it doesn’t occur to anyone among the loyal followers that these people might have a good reason for their sudden departure. 

While still in the group, I believed Murshid’s explanations of those who left. I was afraid that their weakness, their loss of faith would be a bad influence on me should I try to talk to them. So I never did. 

• Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances.

Most cult leaders will try to paint any leavers as “disgruntled members”. Especially if they openly voice their criticism of the group, as people do on this website. 

I was still in the group when T left and started to make his videos. Of course we all thought he’d gone mental, a sentiment that was shared and amplified by Murshid. Alainna’s account was also ridiculed. It was purported to have really been written by T – which is of course nonsense. I’ve also heard rumors that Murshid tried to explain his sexual abuse as “tantric” – which is nonsense as well. 

As for me, Alainna’s Facebook post on Murshid’s birthday, September 6^th, 2021 was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I left the group immediately. Along with many other members of the German branch of the DT. 

As most leavers wanted to leave their traumatizing time in the DT behind as fast as possible, no one ever spoke out openly against the group until T wrote his article on Medium in May, 2020. Still, to this day, the number of openly critical voices is small.

This silence is 100% understandable, as leaving a cult is a painful process. It forces you to deal with unfathomable guilt, shame and anger. At the same time you are trying, over many years, to understand what the fuck happened. It took me over two years to get to the point where I could even write this piece.

Unfortunately though, this means that most people still think there are only a tiny number of people out there who had bad experiences with the DT. And it is easy for Murshid to keep up the facade of a benevolent group and continue the lie that the few who do speak up are mentally ill outliers. 

But let me assure you, there are dozens and dozens of people who felt hurt, betrayed and abused by Murshid and the group. And their stories definitely “reflect a similar pattern of grievances.” Maybe at some point some of them will also share their stories here on this website.

Sexual assault and abuse are some of the hardest experiences to openly talk about. Alainna’s courage cannot be commended enough. I would like to note, however, that it took her more than ten years to finally speak out. Abuse this personal, at the hand of someone we trusted so completely, is a wound that is indescribably deep. 

Let me clearly state that I have personally spoken to four other women who have had similar experiences to Alainna’s. I am also aware of at least two others. But even if it would have only happened once in my mind that should have been enough for anyone to dispel the illusion that Murshid is an enlightened master.

***

“No one joins a cult. People delay leaving organizations that misrepresented themselves.” — Cathleen Mann

Now that you have read this article, it is still up to you to make up your own mind about the DT and if you want to join the group and maybe even accept Murshid as your “guru”. 

But real consent can only be given if the giver of consent knows all they need to know about the issue they are consenting to. In the interest of full disclosure, then, I wanted to offer you the information that neither Murshid nor anyone else in the group will tell you upfront. Most of it you will only find out much later on, when you are already in and when it might be too late to easily get out. 

That is a deliberate and a common cult tactic.

Oh, and even if you have already given consent to Murshid for him to do with you whatever he wants to, please remember that consent can also be revoked at any time, in any place and with any person – especially a deceitful one. 

Note:

Here are a few sources for the list of cult characteristics I used:

Characteristics Associated With Cults

Checklist of Cult Characteristics

The 25 Signs you’re in a High-Control Group or Cult by Anastasia Somerville-Wong